oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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