This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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