Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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