Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
