a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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