captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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