She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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