Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
