Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he shaved USA in his pubs
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
