my room smells like sperm. sweet.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
