Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Please, let me fuck your mom
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
