The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
