New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
