Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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