Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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