is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
