Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
