god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize