he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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