i think my tv is drunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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