You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
