She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize