so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
