You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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