do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
