The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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