My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
