sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize