Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
