Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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