Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
