you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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