Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
