I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
