And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You're like the curious george of whores
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
