well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
