i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
