So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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