census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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