Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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