go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
