I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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