I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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