What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
