I smell stomach acid.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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