i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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