if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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