never play flip cup with pint glasses
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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