help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
