Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...

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(646): View more from New York

Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now

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(716): View more from New York

I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.

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(630): View more from Illinois

You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.

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(516): View more from New York

Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch

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(646): View more from New York

Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?

(651): View more from Minnesota

I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'

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