I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
