you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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