She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
