And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
