Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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