Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
