ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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