Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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