Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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