you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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