The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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