He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
