My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
