Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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